(The match reports of the SLAG's triumphant march through the Vintage Cricket Carnival are reproduced with the permission of Imperial Wizard AC Mann)

CRICKET THE WINNER AS SLAG TIE WITH FINGLETOADS

The Grafton Cricket Ground groaned under the pressure of an unprecedented large crowd (numbering almost double figures) who watched a thrilling game between the noble SLAG and the worthy Fingletoad Chardonnays end in a tie just as the first rain of the day began to fall.

SLAG gave new caps to Mark Russell, Dave Wing, Robin Morris and David Wilson, and looked to have a good batting line up with Gates, Pitts, Rogers, Russell, AC Mann and Tom Benjamin all enjoying good seasons thus far.  But could they take any wickets?
The Fingletoads were obliged to walk the final part of their journey from New Zealand as their bus was unable to get down the track to the G, but this simply increased their appreciation of the rural beauty of Graftonshire.  Several Temple Grafton players had been at the ground from the early hours to ensure that the pitch, outfield and pavilion looked their best for the visitors and, considering the past week's weather, the track was in pretty good condition.  Low and slow, but at least true.

Fingletoad skipper, Lindgard Goulding, and the Grandmaster tossed and the Fingletoad innings began with Pat Malcon and Ian Hammett taking guard in cool, blustery conditions against the pace of the evergreen David Wilson and the black magic trickery of Dave Rogers.  Wilson bowled straight through his 8 overs and returned very tidy figures of 8-1-18-1, nobody else coming close to achieving that sort of economy.  The Toads could clearly bat and, despite losing a few wickets in the early exchanges, they turned for home at 125 for 3, Malcoln retiring for a stylish 30 before McLeod-Smith and Mahoney turned up the burners through the middle of the innings. Pitts and Wilson taking the 3 wickets to fall.

The Toads then snuck back into their shells, putting on only 20 runs in 8 overs, before the late order got to grips with the SLAG bowling.  Despite losing three wickets in consecutive overs to AF Mann, Barrett and the returning Rogers, they pushed on strongly at the close, the last pair of skipper Golding and Graeme Cole (70 tomorrow) scoring quickly in a stand of 38 which included at least two all-run three's!  222 looked to be a very competitive total and SLAG would have to work hard to beat it.

But first the teams retired to the pavilion for a magnificent tea prepared by Mark Russell.  A vast array of sumptuous sandwiches, delicious cakes and scones, quiche, pizza - mmmmmm, what a most successful debut!

The Grandmaster chose - not for the first time this season - to open the batting himself with Mark Russell.  Rogers, Barrett, Wing, Gates and Pitts would follow them so the openers could afford to take a little time to get used to the slow pace and bounce of the wicket.  In fact they had the better of the early exchanges and both retired at 30-odd with the score pretty much exactly where the Toads had been at the same point in their innings.  However the new batsmen had to endure an excellent spell of outswing bowling from Simon Joyce (8-1-31-0) and the SLAG total began to fall seriously behind where it needed to be.  Barrett struck two huge sixes off Geoff McLeod-Smith to get things moving again, but then fell LBW to Crole to give Fingletoads their first wicket at 127 in the 24th over.  When Dave Wing went LBW to Malcon on the very next ball and Leon Gates was bowled by the same bowler for 1, SLAG were lurching drunkenly on 130 for 3 after 27 overs, still 90-odd needed at over 7 an over.  Rogers and Pitts settled things down and, although the required rate climbed to over 8 as Tom Benjamin took over from the retiring Rogers, SLAG remained in touch.  AF Mann, Dave Wilson and Robin Morris all made the ultimate sacrifice trying to keep the scoreboard ticking over and this allowed first AC Mann and then Mark Russell back to the crease for the last couple of overs.

As the stewards began to encircle the boundary rope the spectators were on the edge of their seats with all three results still possible.  The weather began to look as if it might play a part and several of the Kiwi's joked that the SLAG's might appeal for bad light as the last over started with SLAG needing 9 for victory.  I think they thought that such a move was beneath us.  How wrong they almost were!  The last over was bowled by Tony Knights and the batsmen tried unsuccessfully to hit every ball out of the ground , succeeding only in smearing balls for singles and two's.  The last ball was faced by the Grandmaster, four needed for victory.  The fielders all rather ungallantly took up position on the leg side boundary.  The ball left Knights' hand in an agreeable loop heading for middle stump.  Taking a large stride to off Mann attempted to put the ball into his front garden in Pebworth (eight miles away) and succeeded only in top edging directly over the wicketkeeper's head.  As all eleven Fingletoads set off after it the two SLAG's tried to lap each other up and down the wicket, finishing with three and the best possible result for all concerned - a tie!

As if to signal that he had done all he could to ensure an excellent game, the Good Lord then opened the heavens and the teams raced for the shelter of the dressing rooms and the beer tent which had been manned so diligently by the Golden Cross staff all day.  Beers were shared and the GCG was wreathed in smiles.  Every player on both sides had played a part with bat and/or ball and the umpires had a tough choice for the Cockspur Man of the Match, the award going to Pat Malcolm for his cultured innings and bowling figures of 2 for 26.  During the closing ceremonies the Grandmaster was presented with an honorary doctorate in Astrophysics by the University of Auckland and then, in the privacy and sanctity of his own dressing room he appointed Geoff McLeod-Smith to be Imperial Wizard of the Southern Dominions, responsible for spreading the good news of slaggery to those remote and primitive parts and presenting him with the robes of his high office, before relieving him of £30 for the privilege!

A terrific game which ended in a great result and the promise that, however old and infirm we all get, there will always be cricketers who want to play with and against us.
What a lovely thought..

That Scorecard in Full (for you to cut out and keep)

SLAG won the toss and elected to field

Innings of Fingletoad Chardonnays
P Malcoln             NOT OUT                  30
I Hammett            LBW            Wilson      3
S Joyce                Ct                Pitts        24
T Knights              B                 Pitts          1
G McLeod-Smith  NOT OUT                  30
J Mahoney            NOT OUT                  30
L Fitzpatrick           B                Barrett      3
J Meltzer               B                AF Mann 22
G Robinson           B                Rogers    26
G Crole                   NOT OUT                 20
L Golding               NOT OUT                  20
Extras (b2, lb4, w6)                                 12
Total for 6 wickets                                 222

Bowling: Wilson 8-1-18-1, Rogers 6-0-32-1, Pitts 4-0-39-2, Russell 3-0-36-0, Gates 7-0-20-0, Barrett 5-0-26-1, Benjamin 4-0-17-0, AF Mann 3-0-21-1

Innings of SLAG
M Russell         NOT OUT                    33
AC Mann          NOT OUT                    39
D Rogers          NOT OUT                    30
R Barrett           LBW           Crole        19
D Wing             LBW            Malcoln    14
L Gates             Bowled        Malcoln      1
C Pitts               NOT OUT                    31
AF Mann           Ct Joyce     Crole          5
T Benjamin        NOT OUT                   31
D Wilson          Ct Malcoln   Knights       1
RC Morris         St Golding   Knights      9
Extras (b2, lb5, w2)                                9
Total for 6 wickets                             222
Bowling: Meltzer 6-2-23-0, Mahoney 5-0-27-0, Joyce 8-1-31-0, Mcleod-Smith 2-0-20-0, Malcolm 6-2-26-2, Crole 6-0-43-2, Fitzpatrick 4-0-26-0, Knights 3-0-24-2

SLAG tied with Fingletoad Chardonnays

Umpires' Man of the Match - Pat Malcolm

The evil Chardonnays pose in front of the Temple Grafton pavilion

(The combined age of the front row of the "evil" Chardonnays is 266 - I ask you - How evil can they be? - Ed)

AUSSIES BEAT POMS AT CRICKET - AMAZING SHOCK!

Donk, 16 August 2008

The SLAGs’ unbeaten record, which had stretched back to July 2007, was broken yesterday by the team representing the University of Western Australia in the final game of the World Vintage Cricket tournament. This match report has been prepared using the new guidelines issued to all accredited journalists covering the Vintage Cricket Tournament in an attempt to stop the stereotyping of Australians as uncouth, beer-swilling culture vacuums.

Arriving at Kineton CC the teams were astonished to find that a wicket had been prepared and the outfield mown – all set for an on-time start. The torrential rain of the previous day had made this appear extremely unlikely and great credit must be given to the Kineton groundsmen for allowing us to play at all.
 
Winning the toss (and entirely out-dressing the Aussie captain picture left) the Grandmaster had no hesitation in electing to field first while the track dried out. SLAG gave delayed debuts to Jim Goldstraw and Walter Goonewardane and welcomed Brian Weston, Terry Brown, Geoff Dawkins and Cliff Dare to the colours for the first time. Once again, the side seemed to be packed with batsmen in form and the major worry facing skipper for the day, Leon Gates, was whether he enough bowling to knock his countrymen over. As it turned out it was the fielding which let the SLAG down during the first half of the Australian innings. Their batsmen, schooled on fast, hard and true wickets were very strong to leg and some vast catches were offered and put down – AC Mann (2), Goldstraw and Barrett being the most obvious culprits as Beech and Russell raced away at 5 or 6 an over. Worthy of great praise was the effortless cover fielding of 71 year old Brian Weston, who belied his years to show the youngsters how it should be done.
 
Goonewardane made the initial breakthrough, having Beech caught at the third attempt by Dave Wing with the score on 40. Goldstraw joined the party, bowling Russell for 21 and then watching gratefully as Carl Page pouched Byrne with the score on 60. Beckwith then went on the charge, taking the score on to 104 before Dawkins had Bott caught behind and then the W Australian middle order cut loose, Beckwith, Retallack, Green and Ewing all scoring freely as the score mounted inexorably. Wickets fell reasonably regularly and then quickly, as Gates (3-1-18-4) inspired a late order collapse, Cliff Dare taking an excellent catch at deep mid wicket to dismiss the returning Beckwith from the last ball of the innings. SLAG fielder of the day was undoubtedly Dave Wing whose effortless glove work produced 5 catches and 2 stumpings.
 
Tea was taken in Kineton’s beautifully appointed club house and the SLAG top order were disappointed that their forthcoming duties rendered them unable to over-indulge in the fine array of sandwiches, quiche, pasta, scones and cake. A most excellent tea by any standards and thanks once again to Kineton for exceeding all expectations.

AC Mann and Barrett opened the SLAG reply. All that was needed was a paltry 5.18 per over. Sound technique, patience and a little courage would see us through as the enormous Trebuchet Bartley and Swing King O’Hara took the new ball. Sadly, neither opening batsmen ticked any of these boxes, Barrett missing a huge in-swinging Yorker from O’Hara was bowled in the second over and Mann, having scored a brisk 10, was caught by Velcro Green at short extra cover – the first of an astonishing SIX catches taken by this fielder – in the third. Time for Terry Brown and Cliff Dare to steady the ship, which they did admirably, keeping the dangerous O’Hara at bay and taking the odd boundary from Bartley. Bott made the breakthrough in the 10th over, Dare caught behind by the very tidy Beckwith. Skipper Gates replaced him and he and Terry carried on the graft, sensing that, if they could get through to the second and third change bowlers, a lash may recover things.  And so it proved, although very sadly, both Brown and Dave Rogers had perished by this time and it was left to Gates and Dave Wing to set about the bowling to such a degree that, by the 23rd over, SLAG were slightly ahead of the required run rate, needing only 5 an over to breeze home. And then everything went tits. Man of the hour, Dave Wing, tore a hammy and had to be helped from the field (homo), Jim Goldstraw smashed a four and a huge six and then fell to Murray (half wit) (Goldstraw, not Murray).  AF Mann returned one to the bowler (inevitably Green), Carl and Geoff hung on for a bit but both gave catches (to, inevitably, Green), Leon retired and it was left to Walter and the evergreen Brian Weston to settle things down. Which they did quite magnificently, Walty smashing runs left and right and Brian running singles, two’s and three’s like a teenager.

The umpires then delivered the greatest surprise of the day in their choice of Man of the Match. Ignoring the claims of Dave Wing (5 catches, a stumping and a match-changing 24 not out), Velcro Green (5 outfield catches and 24 runs) and some fabulous swing bowling from O’Hara (8-1-19-1), they nominated Leon Gates (3-1-18-4 and 34 runs – actually not a bad return in the cold light of day!).

Another wonderful game of cricket against a great group of friendly, humourous and very competent cricketers. I can’t think of a sour moment in either of the games we’ve played in this form of the game and the SLAG will definitely take part in the Cape Town carnival in March 2010.  Members are advised to start saving their pennies away to ensure that they can make the trip.

That Scorecard in Full (for you to cut out and keep)
SLAG won the toss and elected to field
Innings of University of Western Australia
A Beech        Ct Wing       Goonewardane  20
G Russell      B                 Goldstraw           21
B Byrne         Ct Page       Goldstraw            6
S Beckwith    Ct Dare       Gates                 33
L Bott            Ct Wing        Dawkins              5
T Rettalack    St Wing       Page                  23
P Green        Ct Rogers    Dare                   24
M Ewing               NOT OUT                       30
R George       LBW           Gates                   9
A Murray       Ct Wing        AF Mann             6
J Townsend   Ct Wing       Gates                  0
A Bartley      St Wing         Gates                  0
N O'Hara              NOT OUT                         5
Extras (b5, lb3, w14, nb2)                           24
Total for 11 wickets                                    207
Bowling: Goldstraw 8-1-36-2, Goonewardane 6-0-23-1, Dawkins 6-0-36-1, B Weston 4-0-9-0, Dare 5-1-24-1, Page 5-0-36-0, AF Mann 3-0-19-1, Gates 3-1-18-4
Innings of SLAG
AC Mann                Ct Green      Bartley       10
R Barrett                 B                  O'Hara         1
T Brown                  Ct Beech      Bartley       10
C Dare                    Ct Beckwith  Bott            11
L Gates                   Ct Green      Bott            34
D Rogers                Ct Green      Bartley         4
D wing                    NOT OUT                       24
J Goldstraw            Ct Ewing      Murray        11
AF Mann                Ct and B      Green            0
C Page                  Ct Green       Murray          5
G Dawkins             Ct Green       Retallack      2
W Goonewardane St Beckwith   Byrne          30
B Weston              St Beckwith   Byrne          10
Extras (b4, lb8, w6)                                        18
Total all out                                                   187
Bowling: Bartley 8-2-23-3, O'Hara 8-1-19-1, Bott 5-0-18-2, Townsend 3-0-29-0, Murray 5-0-39-2, Green 4-0-12-1, Retallack 1-0-7-1, Byrne 4.1-0-28-2
University of Western Australia beat SLAG by 20 runs
Umpires' Man of the Match - Leon Gates